Mike Topp

 

EMPIRE WITH LOG

NAKED ON ROLLER SKATES

Swoosh! Maxwell Bodenheim raced down the hill, zooming past confused bystanders, bending his knees and leaning into the wind and feeling the warmth of the sun on his body. "This!" he cried out, "this is what it means to be alive!"

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HOPE

I'm 13 years old and I wish that my dad would come home from the army because he's been having problems with his heart and right leg.

I'm Kelly and I'm 20 and I've been on the verge of quitting. I wish that my boss would get promoted and transfer to another city.

My name is Justine and I'm 29 years of age. I have always been single and have been hoping to get into a nice, loving relationship for many years. I wish that a quality person would finally come into my life. It would be wonderful if that cute, polite FedEx deliveryman asked me out. And if we were married six months later that would be great.

My name is Mike and I am 44 years old. I wish you wouldn't look into your own handkerchief after you've blown your nose, as if expecting pearls or rubies to have cascaded into it from your brain.

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ITEM: FRANCOIS VILLON

French poet. Born in Paris, 1431, sent through school and housed by a chaplain. Nothing known about parents, except father's name was Horace. Received master of arts 1452. Fatally wounded priest 1455 and fled Paris. Pardoned 1456, he again fled the city after a burglary. Imprisoned, released, returned to Paris 1462. Arrested in a brawl, tortured, sentenced to be hung; reprieved. In 1463, a winter so cold that wolves entered Paris, Villon obtruded his porker in the crevice of Denys the Flower and suffered grievous regret.

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OKAY

"Okay" was the fourth word heard on the moon, spoken by Buzz Aldrin in 1969.

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FIND OUT!

1. Which country produces the most pocket lint?

2. If you stand on your head, does everything look upside down?

3. Which vintage Swedish mystery novel once sold for $127 million?

4. What is the world's largest symbol?

5. How come I can't find fresh Paremesan anywhere around here?

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THREE MISTAKES

Xhinese food

Woodpecker swan

Pickle plant

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DIVINE LOVE

God rains his love down on us every day. But we don't feel that love, because our ego is like a giant umbrella that we hold over our heads. What we need to do is put that umbrella away in the ego's umbrella stand-then we will feel God's love. Ego's umbrella stand, in black walnut or mahogany.
$7,500.

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EFFECTS OF THE VISITORS

Caramel is finally unwrapped but opera will never be the same.

Now homeless people have keys to your apartment and they seldom clean the bathroom.

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EXPERIMENT

He got up from the chair. He couldn't walk. To see if he was awake, he had an assistant pinch him.

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YOUR FACE

Right now there are probably about two million bacteria living on your face alone.