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by Paul A. Toth


Everything is rational, you say, even the number chosen for a lotto ticket when a cashier says, "Your total comes to $9.94," and that number wins; that's rational, you would say. And this is rational, too; fucking her, I mean? Yes, that's rational. It's a rational act between two rational people, and the only irrational one is me. I've been awake all night thinking about that fact. I know you want to hear me say, "You're wrong that everything is rational." You're not. You're not wrong, but you're not right enough, either.

Oh, yes, cock your eyebrow; cock it like a gun. Now lower it, lower it. That's right, sarcasm without a word, so much more rational. We wouldn't want to have an irrational argument, so let me spare us that. In fact, I'll make it so rational that you'll find yourself feeling -- how should I say -- irrational: I demand a decision.

Don't get up; that would be an irrational expenditure of calories. I'm simply talking about a rational decision that a rational person such as yourself can rationally make. Solve the following equation: It's you and her; you and me; or, possibly, should you leave, you and you, knowing what I know about her. True, "you and you" sounds irrational, but it's merely a rational figure of speech meant to convey a rational idea: You could very easily end up alone with yourself, as they say.

Now, I suppose you're considering the odds. After all, I'm asking a rational either/or question. But, seeing your lips trying to kiss themselves, you must be feeling a bit irrational. Luckily for you, that's a rational reaction. It's rational for you to wonder how you might rationally weigh the scales and calculate the odds when you've no idea how either I or she will rationally respond to your rational decision. Perhaps she doesn't want you so badly as you think, not enough to rationally give you a key to her apartment.

Ah, I see you cocking that eyebrow again. You'd like to shoot me, wouldn't you? Yes, rationally, it would be easier to kill me than make this rational decision. But the real rational question is this: How dare you want everything?



Copyright 2007 by Paul A. Toth