Everything is rational, you say, even the number chosen for a lotto
ticket when a cashier says, "Your total comes to $9.94," and that
number wins; that's rational, you would say. And this is rational, too;
fucking her, I mean? Yes, that's rational. It's a rational act between
two rational people, and the only irrational one is me. I've been
awake all night thinking about that fact. I know you want to hear me
say, "You're wrong that everything is rational." You're not. You're
not wrong, but you're not right enough, either.
Oh, yes, cock your eyebrow; cock it like a gun. Now lower it, lower
it. That's right, sarcasm without a word, so much more rational. We
wouldn't want to have an irrational argument, so let me spare us
that. In fact, I'll make it so rational that you'll find yourself feeling --
how should I say -- irrational: I demand a decision.
Don't get up; that would be an irrational expenditure of calories. I'm
simply talking about a rational decision that a rational person such as
yourself can rationally make. Solve the following equation: It's you
and her; you and me; or, possibly, should you leave, you and you,
knowing what I know about her. True, "you and you" sounds
irrational, but it's merely a rational figure of speech meant to convey
a rational idea: You could very easily end up alone with yourself, as
Now, I suppose you're considering the odds. After all, I'm asking a
rational either/or question. But, seeing your lips trying to kiss
themselves, you must be feeling a bit irrational. Luckily for you,
that's a rational reaction. It's rational for you to wonder how you
might rationally weigh the scales and calculate the odds when you've
no idea how either I or she will rationally respond to your rational
decision. Perhaps she doesn't want you so badly as you think, not
enough to rationally give you a key to her apartment.
Ah, I see you cocking that eyebrow again. You'd like to shoot me,
wouldn't you? Yes, rationally, it would be easier to kill me than make
this rational decision. But the real rational question is this: How dare
you want everything?